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sweetestdrugeverçš„ä¸»é¡µ http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:16 EST Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:16 EST Zorpia.com random http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1937184 Hey people I'm back : ) Been busy lately due to club and pub hosting and also with my friends too! I adore my friends more than my boy(IM STILL SINGLE BTW! ) lol. I stopped dating since that french kid(Hes older but than I guess my range of boys at my group thinks better than him). Ok, that's the joke for this year in my life. Anyway, back to me! I been busy like what I mentioned earlier with hostings and also with friends, and I been busy with music and also photography as well and also I been going for some medical jabs which is good I guess but the results are far slower than what I predicted so am FEELING SLIGHTLY ANNOYED by the slow result though. haha enough of my randomes ranting as I guess I'm the only one who gets what I'm writting about since is about me. Ok, lets get down to business. I have not cried since a guy left me and stuffs as I don't find it a point to. They come and go as they please, so why bother being that clingy or crying over them? Seriously, I grown out of it. I hate it when I cry as that is weak to me. I hate it when I make myself suffer when they are alive kicking fucking some young sluts. NOW TELL ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD BE BOTHER OR LOOK AT MY PAST? I think is fucking stupid to look back. I have better things to do. If I'm not that perfect girl that they want then I rather not be what they want and be the perfect girl that I want myself to be, which I am perfect in my own perfect ways. Morons, is your lost that you lose me to some fucking sluts. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1937184 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:01 EST random http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1905175 <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW2MfZjLYAI">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW2MfZjLYAI</a>   Copy and paste ya? is a korean band and their name is big bang. i love this song right now at this very moment. i cant stand betrayal but the whole mv is like what i been through. hence, im sharing. i been very constant in posting something at zorpia as i said it before that i don really comehere often but i guess my free time allows me to do so before i m busy again. i been so into korean stuffs like kimhyunjoong and i adore him so if you have his hairstyle, i think i will adore you too provided u look presentable. haha this is just so random! oh my god. forgive my ramblings. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1905175 Mon, 18 May 2009 05:26 EST JASON http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1904299 I been away for quite sometimes due to stress and also the lack of motivation to even blog at zorpia. I prefer facebook, friendster etc rather than zorpia but once awhile I come back, because I miss someone over here. At times, I feel I'm so bad in concealing pimples on my face but it seems I'm pretty good in concealing my feelings and emotions so well that I think I can act really well to the extend that I'm considering taking acting as part of career. At least this way, when I act, no one will pin points at me but is miserable because my whole life will just be a screen play which I detest. I made a decision all due to the results that I longed predicted. Firstly my parents will NEVER LIKE HIM, and we have endless battles. Thinking of that just makes me feel tired at times and sometimes I feel is my life worth just that? Secondly, my country never thought well of that country due to some bad eggs, true. I'm on the mutual stand but seriously, I don't have much of a good impression on them too. My friend from that country simply calls me when she needs me, she made it too obvious. Eventually I realised all of them have this particular pattern in them that makes me want to have nothing to do with them. Why bother wasting time on someone that only appreicates you they need you? I seriously have better things to do than be a dog. There are more problems that I know will come, so I saved myself the trouble and left him. I bet he cried, and I did. But I' not strong it seems to be. I'm fragile due to the scars that people left me, sometimes is just so hard for me to pretend everything is okay when everything is not. I wish time could turn back so I can rewrite my whole life again, but I know is impossible. That's why I left. Call me a chicken or coward, because I won't deny as I'm not able to withstand the tremendous pressure that is instal for me in the near future if I decided to be with him. To prevent any scar getting on me, I left. I will always rememeber you, jason. You left such wonderful memories and ONLY YOU are the willingly one to change your name to a name that I like, who can easily change their name just like that for someone that haven met in real life? At times, I felt is like a dream that will burst once I wake up, but when I know is real.. I feel happy. I decided to let go is partly because I'm afraid but also I know how much my parents will not want you in my life. I rather let you go than later as you can recover better than later. You might suffer even more if I delay any longer. So that's why I left. I have no idea if you will read this post, but I hope one day you will. My only gift for you in this as I cannot think of nothing else. I don't want because of me you have to suffer the huge amount of pressure as I know my parents will do whatever they can to stop both of us. They left me no choice and I had no choice but to bid goodbye. Take care jeremiah. I'm sure someone one day will definitely appreicates you, but I guess that person is not me as we are not fated to be. I rather leave now than you later leave me because of my parents. I'm just afraid. Don't forgive me, please don't because I don't deserve this at all. No matter how many times I apologize, cannot never mend the hurt I caused you. SORRY. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1904299 Thu, 14 May 2009 08:11 EST lesson http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1870744 Is very interesting to know that people do read my post in zorpia. My life was filled with things that I once believe and now I can't see them as meaningful as I thought they were anymore. Right now, I'm seeking a quality life not because I love the brands or anything I just want the things I purchased to last with me for a long time then depending on humans to last with me for a long time. I rather trust a dead living thing than a human being who is fond to break their promise once and once again till now that I'm immune towards it. I indulge myself in a lifestyle that I'm always curious about so much that I' diving in right now. Critised that I'm materialistic or realistic. But what is there for me to hold on dearly to my heart when they are only capable of breaking it so badly. Yes, I'm running away but at least I know I'm preparing to face it one day. At least somehow, I'm doing something. A mistake that I will never make in my life again. I will not allow my judgement to fail me this badly anymore. Because I learnt from the hard way. Condenned me like I care about it. Whatever, people. Whatever. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1870744 Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:36 EST lesson taught. http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1870743 Is very interesting to know that people do read my post in zorpia. My life was filled with things that I once believe and now I can't see them as meaningful as I thought they were anymore. Right now, I'm seeking a quality life not because I love the brands or anything I just want the things I purchased to last with me for a long time then depending on humans to last with me for a long time. I rather trust a dead living thing than a human being who is fond to break their promise once and once again till now that I'm immune towards it. I indulge myself in a lifestyle that I'm always curious about so much that I' diving in right now. Critised that I'm materialistic or realistic. But what is there for me to hold on dearly to my heart when they are only capable of breaking it so badly. Yes, I'm running away but at least I know I'm preparing to face it one day. At least somehow, I'm doing something. A mistake that I will never make in my life again. I will not allow my judgement to fail me this badly anymore. Because I learnt from the hard way. Condenned me like I care about it. Whatever, people. Whatever. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1870743 Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:34 EST do what you can.. DO WHAT YOU CAN.. http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1782176 Its been a while since I wrote something here.. Seriously speaking, I have no idea what I should write here but guess whatever come in my mind, I will write it down then. Alot of things happened to me recently and I been trying to cope with all the ''drama'' things. I'm sorta of staying positive as well as struggling through my life. I really thought things are going smoothly but actually all the things I have seen its just the surface of life.And now I'm actually experience the real meaning of life. I have dated this young guy and have almost everything that the common people desire for and I was at the top of my life. He was younger than me by 2 years and things were going well until his ex came along and they kept contacting behind my back and I got so uptight about him playing with his mobile phone. I used to be a more carefree person but ever since that minor incident I completely changed. I became stricter with him and I'm easily agiated by minor issues. I knew I was behaving the wrong way but I just couldn't help feeling that way. Things ended for both of us in the rough way. At first I was feeling extremely depressed but now I think he's not the right one for me. Have you ever felt that person is the right one but after things got soured you realized you made a mistake? Is it because of the love for him has changed? Or has the passion slowly faded away without me realizing it? Or was it just an impulsive feeling that everyone got? I seriously have no idea except to learn it the hard way. I finally realized that its was a mistake that I done so much for him. I sorta of regretted of how much I have done for him but realized that ''that much stuffs'' that I done for him acutally allows me to let go even easily because I knew that I have done whatever I can for him. And even if I let go, I feel its alright because I HAVE DONE MY BEST. Then my family problems kept coming in and really suffocating me at all times. Nowsdays I been having problems going to sleep or eat as much. I dated 2 other guys whom I say its a good catch but still I feel the connection and the feeling is not that so I ended it before I might end up hurting him or myself. I felt guilty at first and now I still feel it but slightly lesser because I know they live better without me in  way.. SOMEHOW.. Maybe the feeling that I always try to look for is not coming back to me as I tried countless times and hurt countless guys , which I seriously didn'tmean it at all. He took my feelings away and let become a more heartless and cold kinda of person searching high and low for that feeling. I'm feeling alright now and am still pursuing what I want and desire.. Hope you guys know and understand what I want to potray in my messages. DO WHAT YOU CAN FOR THE OTHER PARTY SO WHEN YOU LET GO, YOU MIGHT FEEL ITS EASIER THAT WAY CAUSED YOU HAVE DONE WHAT CAN. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1782176 Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:06 EST --NO EXPECTATIONS-- http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1735835 I always wonder what is true love is like? I kept trying on new relationship with different and so many guys that I lost count of. I recently found out that I demand too much on this relationship thingy. I wanted it to be perfect and I wanted it to be the way I want but things always goes the other way round. If I said I'm happy means I'm lying but deep down I'm disppointed. But I recently discoverd something that I have always been looking for... Being in love doesn't mean you have to be together forever but is to enjoy the moments together. The more you expect, the more disappointed you will be. That's why I learnt to let go things and take things naturally. I still imagine and daydream of my dream guy but I know once I'm snapped out of it, I have to face the reality. Its cruel but its something that I cannot deny. I treasure the things we do together and the time spend together, even if one day we still have to become friends or strangers, I will have new memories to look back. Even when both of us treat each other as strangers, we can still feel that this ''so called stranger'' left great memories in our life. Sometimes its better not to have expectations at times, then you will learnt to take things at your stride. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1735835 Thu, 11 Oct 2007 23:32 EST this way will be beter , trust me http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1697395 2 of my posts has been about looks because we never seem to get away from that topic at al~! People are willingly to spend millions of dollars just to get their face right or get the face that they dream of. So far the highest rate is actually from japan and korean. The girls are willingly to slog to get what they want and even the guys are doing that too. The trend right now is to get tanned because in 1996, ayumi was tanned and she look totally stunning and attracted alot of people to be like her. Now eveyrone is doing their best to get tan. Some even went to tan salon at least 3 to 4 times a week to get their ideal tan regarding the cost. I sometimes wonder are they really that rich to do so?.. It seems everyone is rich in japan!!! But researchers has said that getting too much ultra violets rays will be very bad for our skin and we may get skin cancer if you get too much into your body. I heard a terrible saying that you will age 5 times faster than normal people. Imagine you might be very pretty now but then after you reach a certain age like 30 years old , you will learn to regret but that time howmuch you inject botox to your face. I don't think it will help that much though, unless you can change your face entirely. TRUE.. I DID MENTIONED THAT BEAUTY IS IMPORTANT but not to that extend you know!~  How do you keep your face and protect your skin? Don't wait till the problems comes then you start to worry. You should do somethings to prevent it instead of letting it come to your face. Who says at the age of 18 you don't need eye creams ? If you feel yoy don't need that fast, at least you can apply maybe once a week rather than everyday.? This way you can prevent the train crawling at the side of your eyes. I use red wine to retore my moist and also it improve my overall skin condition. I use peppermint because its very good for cleansing and also very good for oily skin like mine(DON'T BE DISMAY IF YOU HAVE OILY SKIN, CAUSE THEER'S A RESEARCH SAYING THAT OILY SKIN DON'T NOT EASILY GET WRINKLES ETC.). I use vitamin c because I want to be fair like a fair lady!~ I use rice as my srcub because it relaly cleansing my skin and also take away my dead skin cells!~ But not all people can use it .. you need to ask someone who is in beauty line for long cause you may end up hurting your face even more. I always thought looks are important but to me its cannot be extreme!~ unless you have crooked nose or your have only one eye or your mouth is crooked, then you need major help. But stil ldressing up plays an important role!~ IF you dress like an auntie , no guys will even look at you much less than giving you the second look. I changed my style from mature to a more younger look. I will wear off shoulder tops because it can flatter my neck bones etc and also it gives me a nicer and slim look too.~ And I fin I look sexy in it and also I been wearing jeans and black pants because I hate wearing skirts as Ican't really walk freely. But still once in a while , i will wear skirt but depending on wher i go of course. I bought this dress which is like damn short!~ But it flattersmy toned legs of course as i have been working very hard for my toned legs@!~ I lovemy legs so much!~ If you hav tummy or big ugly tummy don't worry okay? toned up your legs, you will look better and trust me for this!~ You can wear those loose fitting dresses and match it with a pair of clean cut heels or wedges, you will undestand why i advise on this! TRY THIS AND LET ME KNOW.. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1697395 Mon, 25 Jun 2007 11:36 EST its been a long time http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1651318 LIFE IS abit different then before. I used to think appearances are not that true but actually we are living in a reality world. If you are pretty and hot , alot of guys will go for you for your outlook. But if you dress like an old granny or even an old granny dress better than you, NO ONE WILL LOOK AT YOU or even bother smiling to you. After my major papers and i graduated from my high school , I learnt to dress up alot and put on make up which I used to detest alot. Now even though im not that pretty but all this does motivate me abit somehow. I'm huge but beautfil in a way. I normal looking but i feel im sexy in a way. SERIOUSLY now i don't believe natural beauty. If u r born pretty or mixed blood then fine but if not , forget it. Use clothes and make up to enhance urself. SERIOUSLY this world we are living in is like that. WE cant change it but we can do something about it. ANYWAY imagine is paris hilton doesnt have her usual make up .. wad will she look like ? or tyra banks without her smokey eyes? NOmatter wad they say or try to convince us that natural beauty is more important. COME ON, hello!! stop dreaming kids!!! EVEN my cousin who is only 5 yrs old spends long time in toilet and dressing up. EVEN she knows that, and how can we deny that ? SERIOUSLY, if you are huge or slim , just dress insomething that can enhance ur figure and always try something new. if ur face hav flaws .. can conceal or put make up to enhance ur features in a better way! eveer since i know how to dress up , guys will take a second glance at me and ost importantly, i hav 50 exs !! at the age of 18.. told u ... dressing up does help abit .. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1651318 Fri, 02 Mar 2007 00:19 EST walking down the stream ? http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1528330 Anyway i know even if I write, no one will want to read cause I'm jsut so boring to people not appealing enough for people to take notice of me yet.. BUT how come my this current boyfriend whom i think its cheating on me when i had this dream that he has an offical GIRLfriend outside yet i have to hide from people .. as though we have to date in sneaky manner ? i hate this kinda of bgr it seems to .. you know what i mean anyway.. i dont give a shit about him but yet i do seems to care how he feels and i feel secure with me .. i do feel this way ?  maybe im too lonely ? Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1528330 Mon, 15 May 2006 11:19 EST wad iSNT LIKE TO BE SEXY? http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1521023 <img border="0" src="../smi/33.jpg" />What is it like to be sexy , to be name as one of the world's most beautiful people ? Like NICOLE kidman ? she is hollywood's top 50 most beautiful people around even BRAD PITT too.. even though i dont reali fancy brad pitt that much now. TO get the attention and to be recongize is must be hard job yeah ? have to keep up with the image ? appearances ? attention ? surrounding ? even people around you ? dont you feel that your world is watched by the public so much that you do get annoyed ? but ladies or gentlemen in this modern era , they will pay any price to be beautiful the face that they want , and the body that the desire that only stars could have. they pay high prices just to get this without thinking much cause they want to look like brad pitt ? julia roberts ? FRANKLY speaking .. i want to be perfect too ? who doesnt want to be ? i mean man, if i have the money why not ? i mean if anyting goes wrong we can ask the doctor to salvage the damaged ? but have you ever thought that they might do the same mistakes ? they should be repairing the damaged instead of ruining it ? you may never know what god has for you ? BUT WHY NOT Look at it in a positive way ? HAVE YOU GOT ANY idea how many people who does not have proper features when they are first brought to this world ? they had to lvie with it from young.. everyone must have shun away from them why ? cause they look different ? as though they came from some other planets but not earth ? have you gone what they gone thru ? so much agony and hatred for this world that they are living on ? but what could they say ? because of the hope they have ... they still live on to this world that is realistic that each and everyone of us is looking for perfection.. am i wrong to say this ?when you finish you exams that you study so hard for ? will you just not check your paper? sometimes you even lost tracks on how many times you have check your paper right ? sometimes when you finish typing ? you will look back or scroll back to check for any flaws cause you hate it when people can see your flaws ?LADIES n guys go for branded, why is this so ? they will tell you chanel is so much better tha those that doesnt have brands cause its cuttings is so nice so perfect that there's no flaws ? but without flaws do you think they can get so far till now ? and get the reputation that they get from so many people ? i mean as long as the dress is nice and looks good on you , shouldnt that be enough for you guys ? for me ? i dont really go for branded cause if i do , i think my mom will kill for sure cause she will not agree me wearing branded as i still have not earn my own keepings yet ? and i learnt alot while working outside.. NEVER LET THE CLOTHES WEAR YOU , BUT YOU WEAR THEM ? that is how you should be and feels cause you will have the confidence that will attracts people's attention and that is why you will feel sexy .. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1521023 Wed, 03 May 2006 11:29 EST why dont u love me e way u shld ????? http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1517435 will you love someone whom you never meet before but only through chatting on phone ? love the person so much that you will give up your lfie to see him just once again ?will you still sit by the phone when you broke up with him ? will you still wait for him even though you have asked him to leave you ? will he still miss you as much as you miss him ? will he shares the same feelings when he is with you again ?will he shetler you from harm and rain and sunshine when you guys are back together ?will he still do things that used to move you till tears ? will he still love you ? the whole thing came to one conclusion ? does he love you ? does he still miss you ? or HAVE HE FOUND SOMEONE NEW ?sometimes i wonder how long this questions will be answerd .. will u tell me ? i wish someone can love me as much as he does ? but when will it be ? Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1517435 Thu, 27 Apr 2006 10:09 EST hey baby .. http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1513085 <img border="0" src="../smi/14.gif" />i been working for 6 months.. alot of ups n downs .. especially my boss . she can be damn freaking demanding and i was accuse of stealing money which i dare to swear that i did not. i rahter take my pay then those few bucks or whatever amount is it .. i changed alot through peer preasure .. now i know how to dress up and put on make up to hide my flaws .. i learnt to carry mysefl well enough cause nowadays .. guys will want to take a second look of me which im reali happy.. but now i learnt one thing is that i dont like those attention .. cuase i want one guy .. mo rui ming .. i miss him so much .. wonder is he ok ..       i miss my tv especially cartoons my favourite ... i dont knw .. i jus want peace Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1513085 Wed, 19 Apr 2006 01:30 EST why people judge looks ? http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1176745 i would think they are shallow and dumb .. but moreover its human nature .. right ? i mean who is not attracted to beautiful people like angelina, bra pitt, paula, britney .. i mean there's so much commontion about them and also disagreements .. people keep saying that characters are much more important than looks but somehow they don't preach what they say.. which is very disencouraging.. even myself i admit that mistake too .. really ashame.. but who doesn't want a handsome or pretty girlfriend right? i mean its nature and we can't change the fact for it .. for somehow as times grow, i found out that i actually begin to grow wiser that loks will soon fade one day wonder how sexy or beautiful you are... i want to look for a avergae joe.. not some hunk as i will never feel secure .. <img border="0" src="../smi/02.gif" /> Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1176745 Thu, 26 May 2005 07:16 EST for thou is unfair http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1166644 <img border="0" src="../smi/09.gif" />Found the man that I love, however love was not what it supposed to be and what you have expected it.I tried not to cry or groan for him, but it is useless...People said that my age is too young to decide on anything,but can't i set up my mind and choose my own path regardless of my age.WHY?I know what I want.. and what I really want... Hopes are fading..BUt my love for you will never fade till the day that I leave this world....If god ask me, " what you want to take with you?" I will answer to god, " I would like to take my memories that I have with him..." Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/sweetestdrugever/journal/1166644 Fri, 20 May 2005 05:05 EST