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Dinastryçš„ä¸»é¡µ http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:58 EST Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:58 EST Zorpia.com Mind Your Own Business http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2091118 One thing I would take appreciation from my core family is: they are over-un-sensible to others thanks to the high tech communication autism-induced thing, that they do not interfere my own problems or businesses except I ask to.   I wonder why my significant other's family did the opposite. My couple, he trusted his parents' judgement so big that nearly no sign of rebel of him at all. I was actually happy he decided to leave the "needy" close-distant-overprotective family to take jobs abroad. I don't think it's a healthy attachment the family towards him, you know by calling everyday, saying I love you by kisses in cheek. It becomes as if it's the only symbol they can show to state they love someone.....so classic.   And just remind me of Harun Yahya's point of view of romanticism, it's devil's work of art. The truth is, how can you be so narrowly think to show the love is merely to give as much as saying I love you, to allow your grandchild anything they want to have for dinner or not to interrupt their sleep when they havent peed or brushed their teeths before sleeping? Spoiling is the new show off loving :D. And it's very hard to correct. How can you say you love your grandchild and worry they are raised or taken care by indiffirent-not-so full attentive people like them when, they are still keeping their jobs, priority of jobs over taking care your grandchild yourselves?   And here I am realising, me and my significant other had opposite world. Opposite family, opposite ways of thinking or raising child. I don't know if when we are together again, this will be a too big issue to handle and I am preparing the worst of it.   And I do understand why I am not typically Indonesian people, when, I prefer to be alone, I prefer high privacy, I prefer to leave this chaotic country and even I do not like the food. It must be something wrong with me that I am over-indifferent.   But if you can not take it in me, it's your choice to join me, or leave me. I just don't care. I am so wrong years ago. The big temptation to have a crowd people around, is not as fun as to be alone and having my own privacy, and minding my own business. I don't know, perhaps I am just too high intrapersonal person nobody would expect.     Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2091118 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 08:50 EST Distance http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2089061 The best way to keep yourself feeling hurt or being hurt is to keep distance. Never be too close if you don't want any cut, even as small as it could be. *feelingawfullyjudgetobeamotherbyamother* screw those people who thought they know everything!!!   Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2089061 Sat, 24 Dec 2011 07:14 EST The Superego Defense http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2088526 There's this ego, that at time saw the beautiful aura of smiling expression, inviting eyes, georgeous facial expression, something dragging so strong just to admit: a form of madness, a form of admiration, a form of melting in every sound this creature produce, every strong and heavenly felt tone of this creature meant in every word this creature pronouce. Then I woke up slapping myself. Reality bites. I had no right. And perhaps, everything seemed so tempting and exciting were not actually felt that, if I were sitting in the creature's chair of significant other. What about your significant other? True I did not have this big craziness as I felt to the Prince without border or this creature. And only superego of my norms and values struggling to be stay at my place. For the sake of our own kingdom and future or our people. And there I was...just wondering and dreaming, what my other me in another life would do if every crazy love I had were my actual love. Would be a crazy world at all. (And I couldn't understand why some people were bragging and snobbing about their love and affections were the most sincere to my child that she act well and loving them because she knew and she felt their biggest "grande" love. Sick. I know what my child was. Not as perfect as their child was. Because she had my gene. And this gene I am struggling to prepare her to face tha bitterness and hard world and reality. I tried to prevent her to copy their unawareness that they treat each other rude and unrespectfully, and I could see the destroying love between them. And they thought they could shower her with true love!!! Hilarious. People just couldn't see their own decays......but to be proud and bragging something they are not, that is so over the limit. Darn.)  Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2088526 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 09:34 EST Investment for Future and Forever http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2084061 I looked at evelryone and everything around me. Old people. Most of them were obese, had muskuloskeletal problems, disability that limit their daily activities. Most of them might be regretting, some of their lifetime weren't used well. Healthy life. Eat well, move well, act well. If God let me live long and longer life to meet my grandchildren and great grandchildren, I always pray that I always use my time well. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I have to start invest my health, my fitness, my lifestyle, my wisdom. Don't let me hurt people like they did to me. Don't let me be burden in my old age later. (aammmiiiiiiiiin) Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2084061 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 20:18 EST Stranded http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2010530 Long time not recording my daughter's history of illness. She was okay, the last time she was sick was october 20th when my dad went to Denmark, after that I got sick a week later.   Perhaps there was no room for the truth and meaningful independence for me. Because everything seemed to be decided together, and should be together it was. There's this future of independence I really would love to see, when I could decide to be one single profession only. And that would be a truth mother.   Unfortunately I am not alone. Prosperity is still a big issue. And with some family members not being economically green or economically thrifty in spending money, I shall sacrifice. And sometimes it will sacrifice all aspects of my life, including my obligation of child-bearing. Shameful, but unavoidable.   And as if not enough, there are also problems going on in other roles I've been engaging. A disintegrated colleague, childishly behave role models of teachers, and un-commited colleagues that in my role as chief, they would love to add explosion inside my head, and perhaps, my heart.   I wonder why people never change. Or they have changed, only worse. =(   GOD, don't make me one like that, aammiiin. Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/2010530 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:22 EST Less Sleep http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1987673 For my daughter, the pattern hasn't changed yet. Couldn't survive a cold again after a month. 10th July, trip to the beach, worsening rhinorrhea, it just went until like almost a week, and just when she apparently better, on 20th July another came, due to irregular weather, suspiciously. Days of less sleep but more eating, shameful. There will never be peace and calmness in my life and surrounding, they are just too dynamic. Don't know.     Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1987673 Thu, 05 Aug 2010 01:41 EST Recent Life http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1974997 Quite more complicated and much more to be pended, so sorry Anyway, continuing the health record of my daughter, there were 2 episodes of rhinorrhea on 20thApril (1 month and 10 days after the last, if I'm not mistaken) and around 12/13th May, but gladly only immunomodulator (herbs) and pseudoephedrine needed, and only 2-3 days, alhamdulillah on 10th june her dad was off to india and another fever came. next day it was gone, but the day after tomorrow came again, luckily after that disappear (hope for good...), no antibiotics, just antipyretic unfinishedperson =S   Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1974997 Sun, 23 May 2010 10:56 EST After a month escaping sickness http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1969122 My baby girl has been attacked by viral stomatitis...which turned out probable HFMD =(. It was suspiciosly from the public pool a week before. My notice was her last illness was 9th Feb, then on 20th March she had fever 2 days, and suddenly refused breastfed, and there it was...some aphtous ulcers on the palates =(. It was quite agonizing that finally we decided acyclovir, and after 2 days she finally could breastfed, with ice creams, and after a week, she could eat anything, alhamdulillah. Dear GOD I hope it was the last heaviest sickness....aammiiin, couldn't help seeing her suffered again ='( Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1969122 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 20:45 EST The Illness Record Continued.... http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1956612 After November, On Dec 16th my mother passed away. We went to Mojosari to burry her. Back home, on Dec 23rd or perhaps 24th Chelsea had another illness...I forgot whether it was another fever accompanying her rhinorrhea or not, but it was heartbreaking. In January, date 3, it was her MMR shot. My Dad said a week later she might have fever and she was hot on January 10th. But the fever was again followed by rhinorrhea that lasted more than a week. It was decongestant and antihistamine used. My father thought of giving antibiotics though, but she was getting better so...it was postponed Around a week after January 22nd, another fever, subfever, then fever...lasted until 3 days and it was red pharynx so my Dad really urged antibiotics. But unluckily, she was allergic! the allergy was quite major with swollen eyes, reddening cheeks, and again, fever...poor her Dear God please help her, it was our atopic genes that made her suffer...please help her to become healthy again forever...aammiiin And finally, feb 9th, I hope the last, contacted bacteria from a cousin. Miscellaneous http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1956612 Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:03 EST Reason for Loving http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1937944 I'm married to you because you were a woman willingly living modest with me, be a mother of my children, and be a sholihah wife, in all effort Will I need anything more than that? I don't think so =)  Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1937944 Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:36 EST Haven't I thankful enough? http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1926777 As a mother, haven't I thankful enough?   Perhaps it's my clumsiness and ineffectiveness of time and energy managements   Perhaps I would blame the unsupported supports surrounding   Perhaps I would give up everything and just being proud staying home, as a mother   Perhaps if I ever have grandchildren, and their parents are ambitiously working or obligated continuing their studies, I would dedicate my rest of my life to help raising them, I don't need anything more, right? Perhaps it's a whole wrong idea, the need of self-actualization, the need of achieving more success and wealth, when you have your child(ren), it's your utmost properties that actually your whole-life duties are them, taking care, educating, cherishing life with them....   And I'm still here, whining, sometimes crying, sometimes blaming others, sometimes wishing changes happen....   Haven't I thankful enough?   I am a mother and I have my treasure - I hope I could guard this treasure well, aammiiin (still struggling for a better me-a better mother for her....) Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1926777 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:53 EST Little Touchy Things http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1924105 Been a very busy schedule of my sports medicine studies. I barely concern some 'obligatory' chores which were actually already a routine, that I nearly neglect them.   But there was him, willingly to help in every way he could. Even in the past, he purposely learned how to do any tidbits of doing my daily tasks as a working-studying-mum.   When I looked at the baby diaper bag-already stuffed completely. The diaper laundry-checked. The difficulty in preparing my power point presentation-overcame. The dirty slubber-done.   Such a super-husband-daddy, and he's here, with me, hopefully, ALLOH keep him forever with me, aammiin.   -lovingly written dedicated to him, kisses from Bunda and Chelsea =)- Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1924105 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 12:04 EST Days of Blaming Myself http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1916393 After more than 10 months of being a mum, I remembered these days of blaming foolish myself of conditions happening to my daughter   12nd May 09-the first sub-fever my daughter had, 37.6 Celcius, with mild runny nose. It was sucessfully handled only by breastmilk, thank GOD. Apparently her upper front teeth were growing painfully (those cute shiny big teeth!)   18th June 09-the first (hopefully last one, aammiin) falling from the bed, with around 50cm height, landed on her backbone (ouch!!!) on the wooden floor, miraculously, no visible wound, not even any redness. After 48 hours, everything seemed normal, hopefully forever, aammiin. It was my clumsy watching for her playing on the bed, I was stupidly careless =(.   11st July 09-another fever, this time from 37.9 Celcius, rising to 38.2 Celcius in an hour, tried to breastfed her more and more, added water and pear puree, but she was so cranky, crying and crying that she was sleepy but not being able to sleep, poor dear =(. Finally I gave her antipiretic oral drops, it was done twice since the temperature was still 37.5 Celcius and only down for 37.4 Celcius maximum. Right now she had reached 36.5 Celcius in the morning but stull rised until 37.2 Celcius at noon. I hope she doesnt need anymore medicine, she was asleep for quite long, hopefully it made her better and better, aammiin. No idea what made her hot, but I hope it was only teething again, for she put her finger in her mouth several times before she had the fever.   Oh how sad to watch your treasure unwell, may Alloh get her well soon...aammiin   The added concerns: Few days after 1st year birthday (beginning of september), there were days of runny nose, poor child, it needed twice antiblocked nose and antihistamine one time.   Few days after coming back from Jogja, 30th September 2009: another fever in the midnight just right next morning my 2nd journal presentation =(. One dose of antipiretic, and gladfully she was fine although left home with her auntie (Thank you Madina...)   Almost a month passed, 25th October, a day after a movie time all day at the theatre: another runny nose, lasted for few days, once antiblocked nose. Thank God it wasn't followed by any other symptoms.   Not yet a month, 20th November, another fever...lasted almost 48 hours, accompanied by watery runny nose, some vomits after medication (vitamin, antipiretic and antihistamine drops), and so glad before she recommended by her GrandPa antibiotics the fever was gone, alhamdulillah....   25th November, half eye redness with some mucous....twice artificial tears wasn't enough, so next day the antibiotic eye drop introduced. After twice the mucous was gone, but it should fulfil the course until 2 days more....God please forgive me for letting her feeling those sickness....I am so sacrifying her, in the name of my reasons of education, or laziness....Please don't make her feel any pain anymore...aammiiin Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1916393 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:12 EST Hidayah http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1898831 I'm grateful that Alloh gave me hidayah to cover myself years ago, and I'm grateful I'm still doing it, hopefully forever, aammiin. I'm not a sacred and the most religious woman in the world, flawless of any sins and mistakes, but I feel pity for they who don't do this hijab constantly. I mean, it's the basic rule to do. If you don't do the basic well, how do you expect you will do others well? I don't know, maybe I'm just don't get it why people easily take off and put on the hijab, but I wish they realise its true meaning before easily take it off without regrets. Because it shows you are a muslimah, a woman with high dignity Alloh put you by wearing hijab.... Alloh keep this hidayah with me forever, and please make me die if I ever try to break any of YOUR rules, because I can't bear more sins to add to taste the hell....(aammiin) Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1898831 Tue, 21 Apr 2009 05:41 EST The First Times http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1883564 In this still of the night, when my daughter is awake due to the enough sleep before...just remembering the feelings of first times of my life. The one yet still very clearly in my head and my heart, is when I first saw my daughter's face...the first USG image, the first sleepy face at the OR (continue till now-sleepy head unfortunately mostly at noon =P hehe but still, very cute), and the first expression when she nursed on me.... Such an amazing first times of me. Now I still cherish many first times after she grow and develop. Each milestone, each new kind of cry, new babble and coo, new laughter...oh how I love her so much =). Personal http://www.zorpia.cn/Dinastry/journal/1883564 Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:37 EST